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Responding to Acts of Incivility at Work

  • Image "Responding to Subtle & Overt Acts of Exclusion (Microaggressions) Types of Microaggressions Why It Matters, What to Do, How to Respond"
    "Responding to Subtle & Overt Acts of Exclusion (Microaggressions) Types of Microaggressions Why It Matters, What to Do, How to Respond"

Subtle and overt acts of incivility in the workplace are typically verbal, behavioral, or
environmental actions (intentional or unintentional) that undermine respect and
dignity. These actions may divide, single out, dismiss, or minimize someone, and can
include expressions of bias, stereotyping, exclusion, or hostility. Anyone can experience
an act of incivility.

If it is brought to your attention that you were, intentionally or unintentionally, part of an act of
incivility, do this: resist feeling defensive, apologize, say thank you, be curious about what you can
learn, and consider the feelings and impact on the other person. It is important to be empathetic,
compassionate, and validating when an individual experiences an act of incivility or if you witness
one. We all experience situations differently, so don’t assume your experience is the same as
everyone else’s. Be open to accepting someone’s experience as their own.

Acts of Incivility Guide

Verbal

  • Making jokes or comments that rely on stereotypes, even if framed as humor or sarcasm.
  • Questioning someone’s competence, role, or authority in a way that others are not questioned.
  • Making dismissive remarks such as “You’re being too sensitive,” or “That’s just how it’s always been,” or "You're so slow to learn this new technology," or "Where are you really from?"

Behavioral

  • Consistently excluding certain individuals from meetings, emails, or informal discussions that affect their work.
  • Ignoring ideas or contributions until they are repeated by someone else.
  • Applying rules, flexibility, or accountability unevenly toward your employees.

Environmental

  • Office décor, signage, or displays that reflect only one perspective or group.
  • Assumptions about roles (e.g., assuming administrative support, caregiving responsibilities, or technical ability based on appearance or identity).
  • Meetings or events are scheduled in ways that consistently disadvantage certain employees without consideration or dialogue.

What Acts of Incivility Can Look Like:

  • People disengaging, withdrawing, or becoming quiet in meetings.
  • Certain voices consistently dominate conversations while others are overlooked or silent.
  • Cliques forming that exclude others from information or decision-making.
  • Employees avoid collaboration or interaction with specific individuals.

What Acts of Incivility Can Sound Like:

  • “I didn’t mean anything by it — you’re overthinking this.”
  • "I was just joking," or "Can't you take a joke?" or "Stop being so sensitive."
  • “That’s not how we do things here.”
  • Repeated interruptions, dismissive tones, or sarcastic remarks.
  • Silence or lack of acknowledgment when someone contributes.

What Acts of Incivility Can Feel Like:

  • Feeling dismissed, invisible, or not taken seriously.
  • Feeling hesitant to speak up or share ideas.
  • Feeling isolated, singled out, or undervalued.
  • Feeling anxious, frustrated, or emotionally drained at work.
  • To respond to an incivility in the moment, see tab on possible responses to consider.
  • Speak to your supervisor about the incident(s) and ask for support. If you do not feel comfortable speaking to your supervisor, please reach out to your HR Generalist.
  • Prepare an incident log. Now that you know what incivilities are, it will be easier to keep track of the incidents and have documentation so you can communicate specific concerns to your supervisor or HR Generalist if needed.
  • Separate Intent from Impact: “I know you didn’t realize this, but when you _____ (comment or behavior), it was hurtful/offensive because _____.”
  • Express Your Feelings: “When you _____ (comment or behavior), I felt _____ (feeling) and I would like you to _____.”
  • Restate or Paraphrase: “I think I heard you saying _____ (paraphrase their comments). How accurate is that?”
  • Share Your Own Process: “I noticed that you _____ (comment or behavior). I used to do/say that too, but then I learned _____.”
  • Use Humor: Exaggerate comment, use gentle sarcasm. “She plays like a girl? You mean she plays like Serena Williams?”
  • Ask for Clarification/More Information: “Could you say more about what you mean by that?” or “How have you come to think that?”
  • Pretend You Don’t Understand: “I don’t get it. Why is that funny?” As people try to explain their comments, they often realize how silly they sound.
  • Promote Empathy: Ask how they would feel if someone said something like that about their group, friend, partner, child, or loved one.

Human Resources Department

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PO Box 1190, Fort Collins, CO 80522
PHONE: (970) 498-5970 | FAX: (970) 498-5980
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